Downplay the failing & remove the need for forgiveness...

I was doing the PA on Sunday afternoon as a congregation we are part of gathered together. It’s not a tricky job – basically hitting the down arrow when you want the powerpoint slide to change. 

With one particular song, the first verse and chorus (i.e. first two slides) repeated twice before the final verse (i.e. the third slide). So the order went 1-2-1-2-3. But being a bit slow, I just kept hitting the down arrow. 

The problem is clear: When we got the repeated bit, the congregation saw slide 3 when the musicians were playing a tune that coincided with slide 1. Everyone knew this. And everyone knew that I was responsible for the slides - hence the looked at me instead of the screen waiting for the problem to be fixed. 

OK.  It's not the biggest mistake of my week, but my response was revealing...

My response in the instant of the mistake? To shrug my shoulders and smile as if to downplay the mistake. My instinctive response to my mistake was to imply to the congregation “it’s not a big deal and doesn’t really matter”. 

My priority in that instant? That the folks in the room not think any less of me. ("Mark isn't such a bad guy.  It's not much of a mistake.  It could have happened to anyone. It didn't really matter.  I don't have to revise my assessment of Mark's competency...")

It struck me afterwards how revealing that is of the state of my heart.   The effect of my lack of diligence was to break the focus of the congregation upon the Biblical truths that they were singing to encourage each other and to praise God. If I really thought that was important (which it surely is) I'd have taken 60 seconds to check the slides beforehand.

The right response once the gaff was made would surely have been first to recognise that we were engaged in something significant which I had in a sense spoiled, and second to signal my apology to them, and to ask God’s forgiveness for having too small a concern for His reputation. 

Instead - without pausing to think - I acted to protect my own reputation.

How often to I downplay my failures in order to remove the need to seek forgiveness?  How often is my primary concern my reputation before others rather than the reputation of God?

For the response to be instinctive, the answer is probably not one I like...