My Bloomberg terminal at work provides me with a “quote of the day” each morning. A bit of fortune cookie wisdom presumably designed to soften the barrage of market data that follows shortly after. Monday’s quote came courtesy of Mark Twain:
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval"
Now I like a lot of Twain’s quotes, but this one struck me as rather sad. Sure it sounds good, but to say I can't be comfortable without my own approval is to say that my approval matters more to me than anyone elses. And I guess Twain is saying that is universally true of every man (or woman presumably).
Is that the right way to see things? Or is that just intensely self-centred?...
What happens when my own approval is more important to me than anyone else’s?
What really happens when I set myself up as the subjective authority whose approval I must enjoy above every other? Assuming I'm driven to pursue my own "comfort" (as a core part of my "happiness"), I will quickly become a slave to my own approval. Knowing myself - given the right circumstances - I would expect that to look pretty ugly.
A man made happy by his own approval looks at the world and others around him and says:
• "While I respect you, I hold my own authority above yours (or anyone else’s). So when the chips are down, if we disagree, I will decide what is right for me, and no one can tell me otherwise".
• "While I will listen to you, I believe that I understand the combination of myself and the world better than anyone else. I am best placed to say what will make me happy in the world. So when the chips are down, I'll always take my own advice."
• "While I care about your happiness, I care more about what makes me happy. So I’ll stop making you happy if it stops making me happy. And when the chips are down I'll make you unhappy if I have to".
• "While I love you, I love myself more than anyone else. So when the chips are down, you can always rely on me to love myself".
That seems pretty miserable to me. The world where we all assert our autonomy to judge ourselves - to pursue our own approval set above all else - it’s just miserable!
It leads to:
- friendships that are at heart self-serving...
- human connections that are doomed to fragility (I’m only interested in you for as long as I think you can help me gain my own approval and so attain comfort and happiness)...
- acts of “altruism” done to make me feel good about myself...
- relationships where self-love trumps all...
It’s miserable, and I think there’s something deep down inside of us that reacts against it. That see that as ugly. That wants something better… A society where people exhibit love that is genuinely self-giving… Where we aren’t all twisted in on ourselves.
About 2000 years ago, a man was asked what the most important principles were for governing how we live in the world…
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark's Gospel, Chapter 12, verses 29-31).
Jesus spoke of a love that is centred not on the self, but on God and others. What's more, that’s how he himself lived:
- loving God (not asserting his autonomy by putting his own approval first e.g. “Not my will but yours be done…”).
- loving others (to the point of dying to reconcile them to the God whose approval and authority they’d scorned by putting their own approval first)
Small wonder that God the Father looked upon Jesus and said "this is my son, with whom I am well pleased"! God the Father gave his approval to God the Son. And wonderfully He is pleased to call us sons and daughters and give us his approval if we trust in Jesus. By being connected to Jesus, we get the approval that his life deserved.
For all Mark Twain’s wit and wisdom, here is something infinitely better and more satisfying to our souls. Through trusting Jesus, you can enjoy not your own approval, but the approval of the God who made all things.
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